I'm really confused.

I made a decision on Friday to take a step back from my friend and my ex-lover. I was wasting too much of my time mourning a love lost and I have really tried not to be bitter about it.

Spent a wonderful weekend without a worry. Saw some friends, had a few drinks and a few laughs and I was happy.  Part of this I know is because I have been medicated for a full week. But it feels good.

But now word has filtered back to me that my friend has got very upset because of what I said. And it seems has ended the relationship with my ex-lover, although it had been brewing for a while.

I spoke to him earlier this evening. He's not happy. I apologised for the way I have been acting lately,explained that I need time for me and I have taken the first steps to cure, or at least control my mental health - it was always a problem between us.

I have tried speaking to her but so far my efforts have been ignored.

Now I feel slightly guilty. It was never my intention to come between them. In the end I am married, she isn't and neither is he.  Moral judgements aside I was always on a road to nowhere.  And the sensible, rational part of my brain is telling me that I have shed enough tears over a man who was never truly mine no matter how I felt.

Maybe I was wrong to take a step back. Maybe I was wrong to say the things I did. Maybe it is wrong of me to be selfish and want to look after me for a change. 

Just dunno anymore...